Saturday, May 15, 2010

the wedding

Congratulations on your wedding! Let all your dreams come true and every minute be a feast!

beloved cousin
Resti Widyasti & Dinar Rahmat Wijaya

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.
[Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice]


I hope I can also quickly find the rest of my heart and married him. \(^0^)/

Thursday, May 13, 2010

javanese women

Let's introduce my friend, Alex. he descended china, batak and a little java. he grew up in Kalimantan, Indonesia's largest island. and he's totally not a javanese. I met him about 3,5 years ago, on the one campus organization event. believe it or not, I introduced myself to him more than three times, because he was so forgetful, when he was three years younger than me.

These days, day off, but me and Alex should come to the house of a doctor for the reflection case. how annoying!!!

as usual, I arrived early to his boarding house, usually to wake him up, but today he's awake when I arrived. well even if not a bath. hahaha. after shower he asked me what clothes to wear, he hoped not wearing a shirt, bcoz he felt pity on holiday wearing a shirt. of course I replied that it was not polit if not wearing a shirt. and he acceepted my advice. a moment later he asked again, does not matter if he's wearing jeans. my answer? certaily not polite to wear jeans to see a doctor. he complained, and still wearing jeans. while I'm wearing a soft pink shirt with a gentle flare skirt combained with wedjes.

Alex always question, why am I so complicated. not only about how to dress, but also how to walk, talk to parent, did not dispute, including how to speak our minds. is what I mean here is about why I rarely speak my mind a less wear to someone else. for example, when my money is lost when we were staying at the hotel, I prefer a quite, did not say it to the hotel bcoz I thought that maybe I was too careless, or when I did not argue on older people - receive reprimanded, although probably not guilty- and I'll just grumble in front him.

he was always asked, why I was so, and he's already memorized my answer. yes bcoz its its not deserve, not polite. and he summarizes it all into one: because I'm a java.

maybe that javanese people. as there are unwritten rules about everything good that way. a woman may not speak out loud, may not laugh out loud, may not come home that night, should be bent and bowed their head when we passed an older person and others. ora ilok means do not deserve.

maybe I too do not always follow all this rule, bcoz I think for what like that, it is one way of expressing myself. but I realized that this culture which expresses the real you. all this procedure there must be objective. and I take the good side of all these prosedures. I learned from here is to learn to respect others and have a high taste sensitivity. being a javanese woman is learning to be supple and have the peace of self. when we are confronted on an issue, we'll get through it with calmness and flexibility.

other properties that I learned and should have is women's willingness to suffer for others and smoothed with a prevailing sense of self concern. so they can have a heart and a clear mind to be able to control his lust. this clarity that brings them to the peace of mind and free from egoism alone.

certainly not all aspects of these culture I absorb and apply to me. which may be difficult to follow is passivity. passivity is not bad. but I choose to be not passive. passivity may actually was food for me. but not now. ^^

we can not constantly demanding the emancipation of women, on gender equality and so forth. I think equality is necessary, a woman also have the same right to work like men, but the woman remains a woman. when a woman was at home she is a wife. and a wife shall be devoted to her husband. when the wife no longer exist in its portion and the husband can't control his wife, then crushed the household. and I'm sure no one wants that to happen to us.

the following is a fragment of a Kartini's letter for Stella, a modern woman in Amsterdam. here it appears that Kartini in her own way she became a javanese woman, although she opposed its prosedures for nobility.
my nape hairs stand up when we are in a patrician family. conversing with a person of higher rangk, be it slowly, so that people nearby can be heard alone. a girl had to slowly walk, short steps, slow movement such as snails, if you walk a little faster, people scorned, called "wild horses".

I care what's with all the prosedurs... all rules, all that human-made, and torturing myself only. you can't imagine how complicated etiquette in the world of Java's aristocracy... but now start with me, between us (Kartini, Roekmini and Kardinah-her sisters) no longer procedure. our own feeling that will determine the extent where it may run a liberal way.

according to Kartini, every human being equal and they are entitled to receive the sam treatment. Kartini really understood that at the time, especially in Java, one measured by the aristocracy of blood. the more blue blood of a person the more aristocratic position. Kartini against the aristocracy blood.

for me there are only two kinds of nobility: nobility of mind and nobility of reason. nothing is more insane and stupid by the perception of me than seeing people, who boast his original descent.

Kartini a javanese woman fighting her thoughts. who would not oppressed with its own culture. I myself agree with her opinion about the aristocracy (of course bcoz her thought and what she done).

I am very far from Kartini. different space and time, I lived in modern times. java's precedure has also entered the world of modernization. but of course not lose the characteristics and identity. and I liked it.

Monday, May 3, 2010

i hate virus!

should I wear a condom?

upset. disappointed. angry. confused. either said what else can describe my feeling today. I got a virus messenger! fuck!

every time I log in I always send a message to all the people in my friends list. this all thanks to my bad friend >.< he did not tell me if it is a virus! we used to exchange links, so when he sent this link as usual I assume. that unsuspected virus! groa.....

I'm a person who cant live without the internet. which is always itching if its not online. since this damn virus lodged in my laptop so I cant get online. why? because I feel bad if continue send spam to my friends list.

cursed the one who made the virus! including those who pass it on!!!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

silly ambulance

The above photo was taken years ago, when I'm on my way home from Klaten. I felt compelled to take this picture because the car was very strange. this car is one of an ambulance from a private hospital. do you feel there is a weird? yes, strange are the people who are in the ambulance was wearing a helmet inside the car. hahahaha... really weird but true. sitbelt I thought was enough, but seeing this car I feel it is also important to wear helmets. unfortunaely I cant show the front of this car. if you see it maybe you'll understand why they wear helmets. the front of this car has been dented half of the body. hahahaha..... my hypotesis is this car is faulty brakes. hahaha.... does not matter.... thought they look silly wearing it but good for prevention. better to look silly than dead right?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

save our environment

I'm here for fun and found this:
this is about a girl who named Severn Suzuki, A child who at the age of 9 years has established Environmental Children's Organization (ECO). ECO itself is a small group of children who dedicate themselves to study and teach other kids about environmental issues. and they are invited to attend the UN Conference on Environment in 1992. At that time, Severn 12 years old. giving a powerful speech that gives a large influence (an silenced) some prominent world leaders.


you believe it? God, she's amazing! as I age with her, I never thought that far ahead. maybe when she was writing about this speech I was still in my room sucking my fingers and get ready for bed. hahahaha ^______^v

This little girl opened our eyes about our environment that has begun damaged. we know a lot of animals that have lost their habitat and there in the early era of extinction. maybe we actually know about it but we chose to disregard it. not like this kid and her friends. they were very young and has done something extraordinary. she was staggering all over the world with her speech and actions are the days after the speech.

maybe we are not like her but we also should be able to do something for our environment. and the question is : what can we do to our environment?

as she said in the speech, we may not be able to fix the ozone hole and cant restore the forests as in the past but we can begin to plant the trees back. might have spent a long time to look at a tree that grows sky looming challenge than anything we can console, but its better than nothing. we can do other little things like saving energy and water. we can also reduce the use of paper, replace it by using recycled materials. or we can become like this girl had said. If you don't know how to fix it, please stop breaking it.

I believe the little things we do will have a major impact to our environment. so start helping yourself and your environment for our children's future.

we only hear what we want to hear, we only see what we want to see, until reality hits

Ramayana ballet

Ramayana ballet @ Prambanan Temple

This evening I watched the Ramayana ballet with my best friend, icha. This the first show to Icha, but not for me. at least five times I've seen this ballet. I really like all of the Ramayana ballet, stories, music, and graceful dance. as if all melting into one and hypnotized. I always get carried away with this show. a spectacular show that takes you on a sensory odyssey through magnificent performance of light and sound of javanese traditional dancer. in the middle of the show,suddenly the moon romantic.

please come to Yogyakarta,Indonesia and watch this ballet. you will not regret it!

Prabu Janaka, the king of Mantili Kingdom, has got very beautifull princess named Dewi Shinta. A competition is conducted in order to decide who will be the person to marry Dewi Shinta. the prince of Ayodya Kingdom, Rama, at last wins the competition.

Prabu Rahwanan, the ruler of Alengkadiraja Kingdom, is eager to marry Dewi Widowati. after knowing Dewi Shinta. he assumes that Dewi Shinta is the incarnation od Dewi Widowati whom he is wanting for along time.

Dandaka Forest
Rama Wijaya, the prince of Ayodya Kingdom along with his wife Dewi Shinta accompanied by his younger brother Leksmana is adventuring until they arrive in Dandaka forest. Meeting Dewi Shinta in the palce, Rahwana becomes eager to possess her. in order to realize this idea, Rahwana order one of his followers named Marica to change him self into a golden deer called Kijang Kencana so as to attract Dewi Shinta. being interested in the beauty of the deer, Dewi Shinta asks Rama to capture the deer for her. Rama leaves Dewi Shinta and starts hunting the deer.

after waiting for along time, Dewi Shinta becomes nervous as Rama has not arrived yet. she asks Leksmana to look for Rama. before leaving Dewi Shinta alone, Leksmana draws a magic circle on the ground so as to protect her from any possible danger.

as soon as Rahwanan notice that Dewi Shinta has been left alone, Rahwanan tries to kidnap Dewi Shinta but he falls because of the magic circle. then he changes to be an old beggar. as soon as Dewi Shinta gets out from the magic circle to give aims to the beggar, he takes her and flies with her to Alengka Kingdom.

Running after the deer
Rama shoots the deer with his magic arrow, but the deer transform into a giant (Marica). a war breaks between Rama and Marica. Rama shoot Marica with his arrow. latter on Leksmana arrives and requests Rama to go back to Dewi Shinta'S place.

the kidnap of Dewi Shinta
on the way to Alengka,Rahwana meets a bird named Jatayu. after noticing that Dewi Shinta is the princess of Prabu Janaka, Jatayu attacks Rahwana in order to free Dewi Shinta but he is defeated by Rahwana.

after finding out that Dewi Shinta is not in her previous place, Rama and Leksmana decide to search for Dewi Shinta. later on they meet seriously wounded Jatayu. Rama thinks it must be Jatayu has kidnapped Dewi Shinta. Rama decided to kill him but Leksmana prevents him to do so. Jatayu explains what has happened to him and then he dies.

a momment later, a while monkey named Hanuman arrives. he is delegated by his uncle Sugriwa to look for two heroes who can kill Subali. Subali is a sacred man and has taken Dewi Tara, Sugriwa's beloved woman, by force, Rama decided to help Sugriwa.

kiskendo cave
when Subali, Dewi Tara and his son are chatting, Sugriwa arrives. with the help of Rama, Sugriwa attcak him. Subali is defeated by Sugriwa and he takes Dewi Tara with him again. Sugriwa decided to help Rama to look for Dewi Shinta. for this purpose, Hanuman is sent as envoy to Alengka Kingdom.

Argasoka garden
Rahwana's niece, Trijata is comforting Dewi Shinta in the garden. Rahwana arrives and asks Dewi Shinta'S willingness to be his wife. Dewi Shinta refuse to do so. this make Rahwana angry and wants to kill her but Trijata prevent and said that he should be patient and Trijata promises to look after Dewi Shinta. it was when Dewi Shinta very sad that suddenly she starts to hear a beautiful song which is sung by Hanuman. Hanuman tells his purpose to help her, and this duty is ordered by Rama. as soon as he explains the purpose, Hanuman starts to find out the total power of alengka army. then he destroys the garden. Indrajid, Rahwanan son, captures him, Kumbakarna tries prevent this, but he is thrown out of the kingdom. Hanuman is sentenced to be burnt alive. Hanuman with fire arround his body burnt Alengka palace.

Rama's brige
after delegating Hanuman, Rama and his ape troops go to the sea and make a brigde for running to Alengka. when the brigde is finished, hanuman comes and reports about the Alengka's situastion and its troops power. receving the report, Rama is very happy and command Hanuman, Hanggada, Hanila and Jembawan to lead the troops to attack Alengka.

the total war
when the giant troops of Alengka are on their guard at their country boundary, they are suddenly attacked by the ape troops. therefore a big war occurs between them. in this war Indrajid is killed by Laksmana. Kumbakama, the younger brother of Rahwana died as patriotic hero. after the death of Kumbakarna, Rahwana finally become the commander of the Alengka troops to face Rama. in this wae, Rahwana killed by Rama's arrow and Hanuman drops the Mount Sumawana on Rahwana.

the meeting of rama and Dewi Shinta
after the death of Rahwana, Dewi Shinta accompanied by Hanuman, meet Rama. Rama refused to accept her a he consider Dewi Shinta is not pure anymore. in order to prove her purity Dewi Shinta burn herself. with the help of God of fire , Dewi Shinta is saved from the fire. her proof makes Rama happy and finally acceps Dewi Shinta.

...the end...

I became a young doctor

2 month ago I still can not believe I've graduated from college. and I still can not believe if I had passed the entrance exam to be a young doctor. yes! I'm in the denial phase. I do not think I can finish my studies. to be honest I initially entered medicine because of my mother. but then I tried to love my classes.
now I'm faced with something heavy. I am not a student anymore. I am a young doctor. and I feell scared about this. I was not smart enough and ready. I still need time to learn. I do not want to disappoint my patients someday.
my bestfriend told me that nothing to fear from a young doctor. because that moment where we actually really learn. learn to practice the knowledge we have can. but I always have excessive fears. I reallized that being a young doctor is heavy. we are not only responsible for ther patient and family, we are also responsible to God and ourselves.

I think that if I have more time to learn. I might be more ready. will be more mature.

but my other friend told me, back the clock is not a good thing to escape.

all my life I have been running away from everything. and now I also want to run again. thenI asked myself. "if you want to like this forever?" no!!! I do not want this forever, be a coward for myself. so I decided to deal with it. and a young doctor in a timely manner.

this month I go through my new prefession as a young doctor in nerve division. in the beginning of my journey I was faced with something heavy. my group full with smart people (of course I'm not included) I feel inferior. i'm embarrassed and depressed. I was too afraid of not being able to follow them. especially when a senior doctor scolded me because I am incompetent to make the status of the patient. I added devastated and depressed. I almost gave up at that time. no friend who come to my side. I knew they would come if I told them about my predicament. but I do not want to disturb them. they are equally busy with me. I must survive! I do not want to be a coward.

yesterday I arrived at my first exam as a young doctor. until the d-day I still feel I could do it. I feel I've quite mastered the lesson. I feel I'm capable and never expected that in my first exam I failed!!!! failing miserably!!!!
I cant give treatment to my patients even though I can diagnose the illness. the doctor told me that being a doctor does not just rely on the diagnose. essence of being doctor is that you can treat your patients. if you can not treat your patient and you will only harm them. if you're only going to harm them with treatment you choose, better you do not treat them.

that night I cried all day. me ashamed of myself. how can I felt that I could? I became arrogant because of lilttle knowledge I have. that was not good enough for the patient. I was really embarrassed. moreover, I was not able to attend my cousin's wedding because my exam failure. I have to repeat the test the next day. then I feel lucky that I had awakened early but in the other hand my shyness was still there. I also feel lucky because my mom come to my side to comfort me and help me learn.

the next day my exam a second time, I felt inferiot. i'm ready for all possibilities. if the graduation I will rejoice, but when it does not mean I'm not lucky and still have a lot to learn. unexpected night my hardwork paid off. I passed the exam with satisfactory grades. I should be grateful for this. and after this I should be better.

became a young doctor is not easy. but you should not give up. a young doctor is not just being someone who works just licking their seniors or friends dropping. being a young doctor is the beginning of our journey to learn to be a good doctor someday. who can heal the sick patient. and empathize with patients. I think smart is not enough should have the generosity and humility. (of course) not just the young doctor who must have humility, we all should have it. because actually it is pointless and leads to error.

love your family

what similarities of all these pictures?

the answer is they both have a happy family.

since I could think about life, I always think about my family. I always felt my family is not perfect. why?
because since childhood I rarely communicate with my parent and my brothers. my parents' busy work and my brother was busy with his own life. I also eventually be looking for my own world. I grew into a girl that are closed. I may not look beyond the introverted person, because I was a lot of talking and laughing. buat actually if you really looked, I never told anybody about my family so deeply. because I do not have as many stories about my family. I do not know them intimately, what they like or what they hate.
I rarely do not feel embarrassed about my family. not infrequently also, I want to swap anything in this world with my family happiness. but I never actually did anything. I did just run. running without interruption. afraid to turn or stop.
maybe I was too naive. I wanted something but I do not want to try to get it.
until one day, I saw my mother's fell ill because of too tired to work. then I knew she was very tired, but she's still thinking about her children. she always made sure my brother to inject insulin everyday, she was also busy preparing my breakfast and lunch (which is often not spent), she the one who contacted someone to fix the broken air-conditioning, and who waters plants at night.
I've been so blind. I was too busy thinking about myself. busy daydreaming. I remember I used to say that I hate my mother because she is rarely there for me when I'm sad or happy. but in fact she is always there for me.
now I've opened my eyes and my heart. I tried to love them like they love me. maybe more.
I realized that in fact that is always there for you are your family. my mom always said that I and my brother should not fight. because then only they will always have.
friends not always been good and not always there beside us. but our family will always be there. how bad we are or how bad our brothers, they are our family. family that we should love with sincerity. do not wait. because time does not wait. not to regret in the future.
and you should be thankful for having a family. because many people out there do not have a family. not have a home and starve. be thankful because you have them and affluent.
love your family like you want to be loved.
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