Tuesday, November 24, 2009

pudarnya si merah jambu

aku tidak bisa begitu saja melupakannya ketika dia pergi.
dia seperti burung yang menari-nari di kepalaku.
kenapa waktu begitu lama berjalan? tidakkah bisa dipercepat saja?
jika memang tidak mampu kenapa tidak kembalikan saja masa itu.
saat aku bersamanya.

A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by
I'm hopin' just to be by your side
I'm turnin' the handle, it won't open
Don't make me wait 'cause right now I need your smile

When life had locked me out I turned to you
So open the door
'Cause you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you

dia adalah sahabat dan kekasih hati.
yang membuat siang begitu bersahabat.
dan malam begitu indah.

You seem to know the way
To turn my frown upside down
You always know what to say
To make me feel like everything's okay

tetapi itu kemarin.
saat aku masih terbuai dengan kata-kata manis cinta.
saat logika masih terjajah oleh perasaan cinta.

saat ini kamu adalah masa yang tlah berlalu.
tidak perlu malu atau tersipu.
aku hanya tidak ingin lagi memikirkamu.

thank you my friends



You took me in under your wings
When I was too scared to fly
You told me that I had to live
When all I wanted was to die

You saw the fear and sadness I had
By only the sound of my voice
You said I didn't have to talk-
You were the first to give me that choice

You told me just to take my time
We'll always have next week
There were many, many times
When you'd just let me weep

You somehow made me smile, though
Through my pain and all the tears
You told me all about my life
And what happened in those years

You opened my heart very slow
And took a look inside
Then you found the part of me
That I wanted so badly to hide

But you didn't laugh, nor did you leave
You didn't say I was wrong
You told me that I'd be fine -
Something I'd needed so long

Then I realized something was wrong
When I sat there all those days
Then I finally figured it out
It was something I didn't say

Thank you was all that I could get out
Though I wanted to say much more
You have taught me of life and love
And that I have something to live for.

i just realized.


Merah Jambu. what more can I say about him? he is Pink. not red and not white. he was half grown man who became "my trash". who can understand me and make me comfortable. he was the person I love.


some of my friends always say I should forget him. because I no longer can be together with him. have never and will never be with him. but I cant just forget him. "its impossible!". and finally I didnt listen to their words. I just followed my conscience. though my mind agrees with them. "I'm just a woman, a woman who uses the subject's heart in love". and therefore they say I'm stupid woman. women who willingly enslaved by love.

I realized that my love is not possible. but I still let it grow a lot of love that filled the entire heart and mind. "maybe I'm stupid, but that's love! we can't just stop it" I thought.
I always said that I no longer want him. just enough for me to love him from afar. but deep in my heart maybe I still hope for him. a feeling that I may always be denied. and I had been fooled by my own feelings. by my dreams that never will be real.

today I just realized. that he was not the right person for me always adored. because there are something that happened. that makes me no longer tolerate his behavior. and I may no longer be able to trush him. i'm really sorry for that. hell, he had taught me to trust other people but he also destoyed that trust. I'm really disappointed. and ...... I cried (again) this evening, in the same place where once we parted. but I promised myself that I would not cry because of him anymore. I really dont want to cry for people who waste my love.

huff. maybe too late if I realize that now. because for more than a year my friends tried to hit me from this. but better late than not at all. thank you so so much for all my friend. I would be a better woman. that doesnt fall back in love with the blind. hahaha. x)

Friday, November 20, 2009

your beauty

Loving you is something beautiful. not something to be easily forgotten. and not something easily destroyed.

love you like waiting twilight in the morning. a long wait for a beauty. something that deserves to attended. that when we get it, will eliminate all the fatigue and it was a great relief.

your beauty like a lily. with all the elegance of color and of course with all the fragnance smell. or like the full moon in the middle of the night. so large that illuminates the dark night. warmth that can not be given in the afternoon sun.

I dont know what else to say. because your beauty is something I can't reveal with words. something that is too beautiful to describe just in.

you beauty is a certainty. not only in my eyes. not just in my heart. but in all people's hearts.

because you're so beautiful I could not keep up. maybe I'm not good enough. so I just hope there is unlimitted time. to me enough time to admire you with all your beauty.

merinduimu




aku rindu kebersamaanku denganmu

aku rindu dendang rindu di malam minggu

aku rindu ruang rupa seharga tiga ribu

aku rindu duduk termanggu menunggumu

aku rindu kesabaranmu

aku rindu menatapmu dalam satu waktu

aku rindu menertawakan sesuatu bersamamu

aku bahkan rindu kelusuhanmu




aku rindu semua tentang kamu





dan rindu itu menjadi pilu ketika kau tak lagi disisiku

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

she is a woman who makes the man I love happy



Yesterday I had a dream about a woman
who becomes the girlfriend of the man I love
and this day she suddenly sent a short message to me.
asked about how my scripsh*t progress.
just right after I send an SMS to her boyfriend.
what actually happened?
if she was reading my SMS?
even so, I should not have to worry because it is normal SMS.

...

I was thingking, honestly how I feel to her?
if I was angry with her or upset, jealous or just ordinary?
because each time I met her or even spoken through facebook
my heart become congested.
what was wrong with me?

...

I am not angry with her and not too jealous.
but also do not feel so good to her.
dont know what.
but actually I should not be jealous, because he does not belong to me.
and never was mine.
I should be happy for him because he finally found a woman who could make him happy.

...

I really do not understan about what I feel actually,
between the two sides.
and I dont know how to behave.
so far I do not know if I do good to her or bother her.

though my love story and her boyfriend had ended
but I still wanted to be friends with him.
and severity I do not know how this woman's response.

...

should I have to ask her opinion or ask her permission?
If I do, I should think many times before,
because I think its not a common thing and easy to do.
instead, I'll hurt myself.

...

and in the end I just go with the flow.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

mommy




thank you Bu for everything that you have done
and keeping doing for me.
i am so grateful and blessed for having special mother like you.
i appreciate you a lot.
thank you God for having you as part of my life,
you taught me many good things.
today what i have become its because of you.



Pah(a)lawan

Beberapa hari berada di Surabaya untuk mengikuti seminar membuat saya sedikit melupakan hiruk pikuk kampus dan penatnya Yogyakarta. Saya berada di kota Pahlawan ini selama 3 hari. Inginnya sih bisa lebih lama lagi, tapi mahalnya ongkos hidup disini membuat saya ingin cepat pulang. Hahaha. Saya pergi bersama seorang teman yang notabene tidak mau rugi, jadi kami tidak menyia-nyiakan keberadaan kami di kota ini. Kami mengunjungi tempat-tempat paling popular seperti Tunjungan plaza, delta dan of course Dolly Alley. Dan entah mengapa saya lupa bahwa hari itu adalah hari Pahlawan. Padahal saya sendiri sedang berada dikota yang bertitle “kota Pahlawan”. Saya jadi berpikir, berapa banyak orang yang melupakan hari Pahlawan? Apakah memang ada orang selain saya yang melupakannya atau ternyata hanya saya? (doh)

Saya ingat suatu waktu dulu saya pernah membaca, bahwa kata Pahlawan berasal dari kata Pahalawan. Jadi Pah(a)lawan adalah orang yang berpahala. Orang yang berpahala karena telah berbuat baik. Sedangkan menurut KBBI pahlawan adalah orang yang menonjol karena pengorbanannya dalam membela kebenaran atau pejuang yang gagah berani. Tetapi di Indonesia untuk disebut pahlawan harus memiliki criteria tertentu seperti telah meninggal atau bekas seorang pejuang. Dengan begitu tidak sembarang orang bisa menjadi pahlawan.

Jika ditilik dari makna dasarnya berarti setiap orang yang berbuat baik dapat disebut sebagai pahlawan. Contoh kecil dalam keluarga, seorang ayah atau ibu yang menjadi kepala keluarga bisa menjadi pahlawan bagi anak dan istrinya sendiri,walaupun bagi orang lain belum tentu. Pemadam kebakaran, tukang pos dan guru adalah contoh lainnya. Mereka yang berbuat baik demi masyarakat luas juga paling tidak pantas disebut sebagai pahlawan. Tetapi sejauh ini yang disebut sebagai pahlawan adalah mereka yang meninggal di medan perang untuk membela Negara. Memang tidak salah, tetapi pahlawan seharusnya tidak melulu mereka yang mengorbankan darah mereka.

Mereka yang mengikuti pertempuran melawan penjajah tetapi tidak meninggal juga pahlawan. Tetapi mirisnya adalah pada akhirnya kepahlawanan mereka berakhir diatas kertas. Karena hidup mereka selanjutnya sama susahnya seperti sebelum Negara ini merdeka. Sama seperti guru, pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa, yang hingga kini masih saja pusing dengan morat-marit isi saku, padahal mereka yang melahirkan sosok-sosok luar biasa. Tidakkah mereka pantas diberi sedikit kebahagiaan daripada sekedar omong belaka? Mungkin yang mereka butuhkan tidak lebih dari suatu rasa hormat. Hormat kita setiap saat. Bukan hanya saat hari Pahlawan saja.

Memang tidak mudah menjadi pahlawan. Tetapi paling tidak kita bisa menjadi pahlawan bagi diri kita sendiri dan orang terdekat kita. Seperti penggalan puisi yang dibawakan oleh pak walikota dalam sebuah konser kemarin malam.

Jadilah pahlawan dengan keinginanmu untuk membantu.
Jadilah pahlawan dengan tidak menyia-nyiakan waktu.
Jadilah pahlawan dengan hormatmu kepada sesamamu.

Friday, November 13, 2009

my great trash

You are a nuisance. Wedge dust behind eyelids. What makes it red, watery and did not stop blinking only for one purpose: to banish away.

I remember you too much. until the balance sheet never aligned again. Comparing what I want and all I can do is like drawing with a leaky bucket. I staggered. Although not up to lying.

I was able to recognize you from one wave of the breath alone. Whether sharp memories or notch on the memory too. And recognize you so easily. No need to remember you were there immediately. Filtered down to the broadcaster's mouth drops me off.

I'm glad to deceive myself. Memory set. Connect with dreams. Dressing the truth. Because my writing is a summary of life that I choose myself. During which I was not supposed to vote, be elected or even think anything about them.

I think I'm a giddy. Bobbing for what I've been let lose on purpose. I so love the facts without revision followed a logical reason. I believe it's a way to distance themselves from you. By the next melancholy hugs we've fine. Return navigate the sound of laughter broke out at the edge of the bed.

tentang kami

sesuatu tentang kamu selalu ada yang misterius. tentang cara berpikirmu yang selalu berhasil membuat hatiku morat-marit. atau kamu yang begitu tergesa menghabiskan teh dalam botol seolah sesuatu mengejarmu dan siap menerkammu. kamu yang selalu ada dibalik kotak maya menantiku dan merindukanku.

dan aku, wanita yang selalu berdiam diri menekan hati selalu terusik dengan wanita-wanita yang ada disekelilingmu. wanita wanita yang selalu kau beri perhatian selayaknya diriku. aku yang tak pernah letih menantimu di balik kotak persegiku.

pada akhirnya, tentang kita tak pernah kunjung ada ikatan. kamu bersuka ria mencipta kesempatan datang dan pergimu. karena aku tidak cukup dapat memaksa datang dan pergimu. seolah hanya dewa dewi yang sanggup mengetahui kapan kita bercumbu.

untitle

hey guys. This is my third blog. previously been removed for some reason. I hope this will be my last blog. till death do us part. hahahaha (lebay).


haruskah saia mengenalkan diri saia? hm....
ok here we go.... nama saia Kanina Sista. diambil dari bahasa sunda kuno Kanina berarti mulia dan Sista berarti saudara perempuan sama seperti dalam bahasa inggris. jadi Kanina Sista berarti saudara perempuan yang berhati mulia. yah begitulah kira-kira harapan orang tua saia. Pertanyaan selanjutnya adalah mengapa saudara perempuan? karena saia mempunya 2 orang saudara laki-laki. saia ini "sendang diapit pancuran" yang berarti satu anak perempuan diantara 2 anak laki-laki dalam bahasa jawa. Hahaha.

Oia saia ini made in Yogyakarta asli. dibuat, dilahirkan, tumbuh dan berkembang di kota tua ini. saia tidak pernah berpindah tempat, ya disini sini saja. dirumah 47c saia. walaupun saia sering travelling tapi saia tidak pernah meninggalkan rumah dalam kurun waktu lebih dari 3bulan. karena saia menuntut ilmu dikota ini pula. dari tk sampai perguruan tinggi. semoga suatu saat nanti saia bisa tinggal dan menetap di kota lain, karena alasan pekerjaan dan keingintahuan tentang dunia. tapi saia tetap ingin menghabiskan sisa hari tua saia kembali ke kota ini. kota yang sangat saia cintai.

Air, Bau tanah ketika hujan, purnama, dan suasana malam adalah hal-hal yang saia cintai. Menjelajah satu kota ke kota lain dan menikmati kesenian adalah kesenangan yang lainnya. Yang memiliki tempat tersendiri dihatiku. Dan Sejauh ini hal yang paling menyenangkan adalah duduk di pinggir pantai setelah lelah menyelam sambil menikmati deburan ombak atau sekedar duduk menikmati malam di benteng vredeburg.

Blog ini nantinya akan berisi tentang hal-hal bodoh yang kulakukan, hal-hal yang terlihat, terdengar atau tak sengaja terasa. Klo beruntung sih semoga saia bisa membagi pelajaran-pelajaran yang saia dapat. Hohoho.
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